life beyond the well…


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Stunted Growth

As a mom, I have really struggled with how fast the time passes. I remember others telling me that the time goes by fast, that if I blink, I’ll miss a moment. It’s definitely hard to hold on to that sentiment when you’re in the middle of newborn hazing and being fueled by prayer, adrenaline, water, and snacks. Now that we’ve successfully navigated the first year, I recognize just how fast the time is passing.

It is a wonderful feeling to watch your child grow and master new things. At least once a day he does something that makes me feel that my heart will explode from overwhelming joy. And while I enjoy watching this boy of mine grow so incredibly fast, there’s a part of me that wants to just hold him in this spot where I know that he’s safe, loved deeply, cherished, and valued.  Those aren’t things that the world can promise to my beautiful black son.

What I realized is that my well-intentioned desires to keep my son safe can also lead to stunting his growth. There are (and will be) things that he’s ready for developmentally, regardless of if I’m ready for him to be at that stage and it’s my responsibility to facilitate his growth and development, not stunt it. Being a good steward of his life requires that I (we) do all that we can to lead him as God leads us, to help him grow into who God has called him to be, in every aspect of his life.

For my mama heart, this means leaning in to God more and trusting His plan. It means yielding my worries to God, and embracing my little one’s curiosity and spirit of discovery. It means that I must intentionally raise the bar, time and time again, to show him that he is capable of great things; while also being willing to hold him accountable to  standards of behavior and character that are pleasing to God.

Lord, help us to steward the life of this child in a way that is pleasing and honorable to you. Help us to, with your help, lead him to levels unparalleled because of what you have planned for his life.

 


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4 (and a half) Months a Mama

It’s hard to believe that it’s been roughly 4 and a half months since we welcomed our sweet baby Ethan into our home.  I feel like every day I’m learning something new, and I’m watching him grow right before my eyes. Seriously–how is it possible that he gets longer while he’s away at daycare?

Being a mama has stretched me (literally and figuratively).  While I’d like to think that I’m the same person that I was prior to Ethan’s birth, I know that’s not true. And that’s not a good or bad thing- it’s just the reality of this new life that I’m learning.

There have been days where I have cried from frustration and exhaustion, wondering how it would all get done. There are moments in each day where I feel that my heart will explode from joy as I see the sweet face of my baby boy. There are days where the state of our country overwhelms me and I worry about the opportunity (or lack thereof) awaiting my beautiful black boy.

There’s much more that swirls through my mind and my heart, but more than anything; these 4 (and a half) months of being a mama have taught me how to trust God in a new way, because now it’s just not about me. It’s one thing for me to believe for me–it’s something totally different for me to believe God for someone else.

There’s a press that I have to operate at a higher level in God because I want Ethan to know God authentically, and Preacherman and I are his first teachers. I’m trusting and believing God for more, because I want my son to have a better life than what I have.

Trusting God as a mama has also comes in other forms- like when you live away from family and have to make decisions about your pediatrician, daycare, babysitters (send some, Lord!), and overall day-to-day care. At every turn, I’m being pushed to trust God more, to listen more for His voice, and to lean on the people that He has sent us in Jacksonville.

I struggle to remember my life before Ethan, and I’m so blessed to be a mama- and to be HIS mama. Truly, the Lord has done great things for me, and I am filled with joy! (Psalm 126:3)

“’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”

Be encouraged! Peace and blessings!