life beyond the well…


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Leaving Something You Love.

It will happen to you.

It may not have happened yet, but trust me; it WILL happen.

“It” is the day that you have to leave something you love.  That something may be a person, a place, or a thing that you’ll have to leave.  For me, it was a job.

I knew that it was coming.  It was inevitable.  What initially was a dream opportunity, had become a  heavy weight.  But, I LOVED it.  And I carried the weight proudly.  I did what was required and then some.  And while I knew that at some point the time would have to end, I didn’t know that it would be that way.

The thing about leaving something you love is that you have to be committed to that decision.  You have to know that you know that you know that you KNOW that it’s your time to leave.  And with things like that, it’s difficult to share with others.  Why?  Because if they really know you, they know how much you love that thing.  They know how much of your time, energy, and resources you’ve invested.  And they probably feel that you don’t need to quit- you just need a break.

But my situation was different.  This thing, this job, was my Isaac; my sacrifice to the Lord.  In the same way that Abraham prayed for his son Isaac, I had prayed for this job.  Specifically, THIS job with THIS organization.  For years.  And when I was granted the opportunity, I was overjoyed; confident that it was a blessing from the Lord.  But after having this blessing for a while, the Lord asked for it back.  Would I be able to sacrifice this gift to honor and reverence the giver, trusting that the giver would provide an appropriate sacrifice and replacement?

It was a struggle.

Not because I didn’t know what to do, but because it was something that I loved. And then the question became one of whether I loved and trusted the giver more than I loved the gift.  The answer was yes.  An eager, yet hesitant yes.

And so it began.  I put God to the test, believing the word that I heard at a Women’s Fellowship event in January would come to pass.  God passes all of His tests.  Not barely, but by a large margin.  God not only kept His promise (as He always does), but provided a ram in the bush.  When doors seemed to be far from open, God provided- even down to the details.

And once it all came to pass, just as He promised, I was then left with the choice to leave something I love.

I really like how God does that.  Makes us a promise, fulfills his end of the agreement, and still leaves us with a choice.  But the way I really see it,is that I had an obligation to meet; even if it involved some temporary discomfort and changes in my circumstances.

I’m so glad I did.  Even though it was difficult.

But, what’s easy for us isn’t always what’s best for us.  And in this journey, we’re often faced with situations and circumstances that are the answers to prayers; yet we choose to pass on them because it would involve us enduring some discomfort or change.  I would challenge you to dig deeper, and trust that what lies on the other side is not only greater than your temporary discomfort but is also WORTH enduring some temporary discomfort.

I left something I love, and I’m better for it.  Amen.

 

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” -Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)

 


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Better.

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 3:12-14

I want to be better.

That’s not an unusual desire for someone like me, who has nudges of perfectionism oozing out of their pores.  Things must be JUST right.  All the time.  If I’m submitting work, it needs to be excellent.  Why? Because my name is on it.  I want my name to be associated with quality.

This is a great desire to have in a place like school or work, where you can be constantly rewarded for your excellence; thus feeding this sense of perfectionism in a way that can be unhealthy.  But in life, it’s a little different.

It’s so easy to settle.  So much so that it’s frustrating.  I often lament my frustration as I watch beautiful, intelligent, wonderful women settle for guys who are SO undeserving of their time and energy.  Or watching students settle for a B (or lower) because they don’t want to work for the higher grade that they are capable of having.  In today’s society it requires a lot of discipline to refuse to settle.  And unfortunately, discipline isn’t taught or practiced like it used to be.

But I want to be better.  Better disciplined at my life practices.  Better focused on my dissertation.  Better at managing my finances and building wealth.  A better daughter.  A better sister.  A better friend.  A better me.

I’ve started by being better at my health, and getting back on the workout routine after abandoning it in the busyness that comes with starting a new job, moving, and getting settled.  I’ve been eating better, getting more sleep, watching less television, and being more active overall.  And I already feel better.

With anything though, I have to remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint.  And as such, I have to pace myself.  Will I always be perfect?  Not at all.  But I’ve got to keep moving, keep learning, keep growing; keep desiring to be better.

Here’s to pressing towards the mark- in all areas of life.

Until next time…