life beyond the well…

Tag Archives: Faith


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Unpacking.

I hate unpacking. I’ve been known to let a suitcase remain untouched (with the exception of essential items) for at least a week following a trip. The unpacking process, to me, is draining and time consuming.

It’s amazing what we carry. It seems nearly impossible for me to return home with the exact same things I left with. I almost always have MORE than what I left home with. Sometimes that’s my fault. Sometimes it’s because of who or what I’ve come in contact with.

We all carry stuff. Whether we know it or not, we all have baggage. Part of the process has forced me to examine and unpack that baggage. I recently wrote about feeling exposed, based off of a conversation I had with my best friend. Lucky for me (slight sarcasm), that same best friend and I had another conversation recently that really got me thinking about the baggage I carry.

As I was expressing my feelings and thoughts about a situation, I found myself explaining away (really justifying) why I felt the way I did and how I arrived at this point. Being the best friend that they are, they kindly informed me that all of how I felt and how I arrived at this point (while understandable) was the result of baggage I carry. And then, as they always do, they challenged me to deal with it.

And so I am.

It’s cool and it’s difficult, all at the same time. I have moments where I’m totally grateful for an experience, no matter how horrible it was because it forced me to learn and grow. I also have moments where I struggle with the effects of different experiences. Life is real. Life is hard. Life is real hard. I know that I’ve been overwhelmingly blessed because God has carried me over, through, and around many situations that could have been my breaking point.

As I start this unpacking process, I also feel praise. I’m still here. There were things that were meant for my death, but God used it for my development. I truly owe Him every piece of my life.

Perhaps unpacking isn’t so bad after all.

“…you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” -Genesis 50:20


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Today I Wanted to Quit

Today was a rough day. I can’t really identify why, but it was. Taking a step back, there’s not one clear thing that made today a “bad day”. But…it just wasn’t good.

I wanted to quit.

There are days where I don’t feel cut out for my job, my environment, my life as it is at the time. I wish I could go to something familiar; where people love me for me, where it’s not all about business, where I’m not oscillating between managing adults and supervising kids.

I know this is not forever. But it seems like it’s been long enough.

The truth is that it HASN’T been long enough. Because if it REALLY has been, God would have swooped in and changed the circumstances, and I’d be on to the next challenge. As much as life is about challenges, it’s about lessons. And there are things that I need to learn in this space so that I’m fully equipped for the things to come.

I wanted to quit today. It showed on my face. No less than 10 students who I love as if they are my own saw it on my face. I did them a disservice. I did me a disservice. I did God a disservice. Because despite how unhappy and dissatisfied I was with today, I am overwhelmingly blessed. I live a life of choice. I wasn’t worried about how I was going to provide dinner for myself. I wasn’t worried about where I was going to sleep tonight.

But just as I struggled with this feeling of wanting to quit, my mind sifted through the list of emails I received today. And my focus began to change. Because what I want to do now, is make tomorrow WAY better today. I hope I never have another today. (Technically I won’t, because it’s impossible, but you know what I mean). I have to choose to never have another today. I can’t control situations, I can’t control circumstances, but I can control me.

“…I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose… there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it’s more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here’s the thing, I love the playing field.” -Greys Anatomy

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9

Peace and Blessings…