life beyond the well…

Tag Archives: Friendship


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Don’t Be Afraid to Walk

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach.  The world you desire can be won.  It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it’s yours.” -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

I love being a woman and I’m convinced that there’s no other experience like it.  I particularly love being a black woman, and I recognize that as such, I’m constantly faced with experiences and challenges that others don’t face.  My experience as a black woman, and as a black girl were mostly empowering.  I was constantly reminded that I could do ANYTHING that I wanted to do as long as I was willing to put in the work required.  And I grew up with other young women who were taught the same thing- that anything was possible for us.

I love seeing the same message in society today- that our young girls and young women can accomplish anything; that there is an entire world out there that is theirs for the taking.  I still feel the sense of empowerment and “You Go Girl!” when I hear of women being the first in the field to accomplish a task or assume a role, and I am proud to work in a department that is lead by women.

Yet despite all of this, I still deal with the little voice in my mind that allows me to question if I’m good enough, strong enough, smart enough, capable enough, competent enough.  And I know that I’m not alone.  Some of my sister-friends and I have frequent conversations about how we feel like we’re “not there yet”- and how we may never “get there”.  Or we lament our struggles with  “Imposter Syndrome“, even though we know that we have both degrees and knowledge to back it up.

All of this makes me wonder- when does this change happen?  When do we go from believing that we can do anything to wondering if we are deserving of what we have accomplished?  What causes us to lose the confident stride that comes with knowing that we are “Phenomenal Women” and leads us to crawl slowly with our head down, wondering if we’re worthy of the life we’ve dreamed of?

I can’t pinpoint what it is, that causes this change, but I want to encourage you- don’t be afraid to walk!  Whether it’s walking away from the relationship or the job where you know in your heart that you’re settling for less than you deserve, or it’s walking toward the career that you’ve dreamed for, the degree that you aspired to but told no one about- don’t be afraid to walk.  You owe it to yourself to walk away from anything that makes you unhappy and unfulfilled, and to walk towards anything that God purposed for your life.  And when you walk- walk with confidence, knowing that you are capable, that your dreams can and will come true, that you can have the life you want to have- because it IS possible.

And if you’re confused about what it is that you should be doing or where you should be going, start to listen to yourself.  Take time to hear the voice of God within you and follow that voice.  You aren’t an accident- there’s a purpose for which you have been created and the world NEEDS for you to walk in it!  Be fabulous!  Be fearless!  Walk it out!

 

Author’s Note: This post was also featured on Up4Discussion.org for Women’s Empowerment Month.


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Be Nice or Be Quiet

I have very little patience for people who say mean things.  I know that sometimes people don’t always mean to, but it still bothers me.  I feel like there are so many areas of life where we hear negative things (especially on the news), that we should hold ourselves accountable to saying nice, positive things to each other.

Now, I will also acknowledge that this is difficult.  There have been quite a few “bite my tongue” or “Lord, hold my mule” moments in my life (or in the last week).  I still have to fight the urge to not pop off and say the first thing that comes to mind when I feel that someone has approached me in the wrong way or has verbally attacked me.  I often tell Preacherman that I’m glad that there’s not a scrolling marquee on my forehead because I’d find myself in some trouble in certain situations.

However, for 2013, I’ve decided that I REALLY want to be purposeful and intentional about the words that I speak.  And as I continued to think about what it means to mind my mouth (or rather, getting my mouth to mind my mind), I arrived at this: “Be nice or be quiet”.  It’s probably not that much different than what I learned as a kid of , “if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all.”  But sometimes, we don’t take hold of those lessons as we should as children, and we need to learn them again as adults.

But on another note, this has been my approach to any situation that threatens my peace of mind and my confidence.  The devil is real, and his ability to attack our mind is real.  And if he can attack my mind, he can steal my peace, my confidence, my joy, my hope, my salvation.  So, I feel that for this year, as I’m believing God for great things, I must address the enemy.  I can’t expect him to be nice or to play nice, but I don’t have to listen to him- and I can tell him to be quiet.

I can choose to listen to the foolishness of the enemy, or I can choose to fill myself with my word, with positive music, confessions, and affirmations until I have effectively tuned him out. Be nice or be quiet is more than what I choose to say to others, but it’s also about what I choose to say and HEAR myself.  I’m believing God for FAR TOO MUCH this year, and the devil won’t talk me (or have me talk myself) out of my promise.

Be mindful that the voice of the devil comes in many forms- it can be the nagging uncertainty that you feel after you’re excited to try something new, or it can be the “friend” who’s never able to share in your joy about your accomplishments or aspirations, or it can be the person in your family who never thought you’d amount to anything.  Be mindful of those voices and be willing to tell them the same thing you’re telling yourself: BE NICE OR BE QUIET!

Peace and Blessings!