“though the storms keep on raging in my life/and sometimes it’s hard to tell the night from day/still the hope that lies within is reassured/…but if the storms don’t cease/and just in case the winds keep on blowing in my life/my soul has been anchored in the Lord.”

i can’t remember who sings that song, but it’s on this gospel cd that i got from barnes and noble. i remember my mom playing it around the house on saturday mornings when it was time to clean up the house. anyhow, it’s really close to me right now.

when you’re in the midst of a storm, they say that the calmest place is in the eye of the storm. i wish i could say that i’m having that experience now. i’m in the midst of a storm…and i can’t even find the eye so that i could potentially retreat. i’ll definitely agree with what i’ve heard said before: when God starts blessing, the devil starts messing. since my baptism in November, i’ve been swirling around in this storm, trying to figure out how to escape.

it’s not an easy place to be. usually, i try to find the joy in these situations because i know the the Lord is testing my faith because He loves me and wants me to grow. but lately, i’ve been weakened to the point where i don’t even know WHY i believe. that terrifies me. after all that God has done for me, i’m questioning why I believe or why i should have faith. i hate feeling like this. this uncertainty, this weakness, this emptiness. i feel so broken, so distraught, so wrought with despair. here i am, expecting God to do more for me, and i’m questioning why i believe in him in the first place.

sigh. when i come out of this storm, it’s gonna be something totally different. i’m not completely sure what that means, but there will be a new thing in place.

be encouraged all…

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light,
Take me hand, Precious Lord, lead me home.