life beyond the well…

attempting to manage my grief

3 Comments

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”
~Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption

It’s with those thoughts from one of my favorite movies that I write about how I’m managing (or rather, not managing) the grief that I feel from my grandmother’s death. In a lot of ways I’m still in shock. It’s still very hard to believe that she’s not here. I suppose this will be an uphill battle, and I’m definitely having good days and bad days. The worst days are when something good happens, or when I just want to talk and I have to remind myself that I can’t call her anymore.

I know that it would have been selfish for me to ask God to prolong her stay on earth despite what His plan was, and how she may have been feeling. But in a lot of ways I feel frustrated- particularly with my family- who didn’t tell me the extent of her sickness because they didn’t want me to worry. I feel that I was cheated of opportunities to talk to her, or even see her sooner than I did. I trust God and His plan- but I can’t help but feel frustrated, confused, and even alone in this situation. I feel that I’m at a point that has the potential to be very defining- my desire to do things has diminished. I don’t want to finish school, I don’t really want to work- staying at home and eating cereal while watching Cosby Show and Gilmore Girls reruns seems like the ultimate plan, and the only thing that I’m really excited about. Nothing “newsworthy” seems that exciting to me (hence the lack of updates of this blog), and for the first time in a while, I just feel blah. Nothing REALLY matters to me.

So yeah…that’s where I’m at. Y’all pray for me…I don’t know whether I’m coming or going…

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Author: erin.almond

God-chaser. NC native, now planted in Jacksonville, FL. Happily married to a handsome church-planting pastor. I am easily excited by Jesus, education, cupcakes, Moleskine notebooks, and Pepsi. Overwhelmed by God's amazing grace, undeserving of His love and mercy.

3 thoughts on “attempting to manage my grief

  1. Hope this speaks to you:

    Hold to God’s Unchanging Hand
    by J. Wilson & F.L. Eiland

    VERSE 1:
    Time is filled with swift transition;
    Naught on earth unmoved can stand.
    Build your hope on things eternal,
    Hold to God’s unchanging hand.

    CHORUS:
    Hold to His hand, God’s unchanging hand.
    Hold to His hand, God’s unchanging hand.
    Build your hope on things eternal,
    Hold to God’s unchanging hand.

    VERSE 2:
    Trust in Him who will not leave you,
    Whatsoever years may bring.
    If by earthly friends forsaken,
    Still more closely to Him cling.

    CHORUS

    VERSE 3:
    Trust not in this world’s vain riches
    That so rapidly decay.
    Seek to gain the Heavenly treasure
    That will never pass away.

    CHORUS

    VERSE 4:
    When this journey is completed,
    If to God you have been true,
    Fair and bright the home and glory
    That is waiting there for you.

    CHORUS OUT

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