Usually when I start posts here, I have an idea of what I’m going to say. I can’t say that’s the case this time. I just know that the title completely describes what needs to take place in my life.
I feel like one of the biggest challenges I face is to not let ANYTHING completely take over my life. For the last few weeks, I’ve been somewhere between working ALL the time and/or at church ALL the time for various meetings and commitments. I have a ridiculously long list of things that I need to do (laundry, cooking, going to the dry cleaners) and I never feel like there’s enough time to get them done. On the nights when I’m not overly committed to something else, I’m usually too tired or unmotivated to do anything meaningful. I want the professional success and it’s important to me to serve Christ in the ways that I’ve been called to do so. I don’t feel that I should need an extra 2-3 hours in the day to do so.
While I’m feeling a bit over-committed in some areas of my life, I feel that I’m really not doing well with dealing with people. I’ve gone through phases since being in Athens where I’ve felt lonely and homesick, and I kinda feel that way now. But there’s also a different component to this, where I actually just crave an inner circle; people who know me and understand me and love me for me. While I love and appreciate being on my own, I wish that I could have the opportunity to do cocktails with the girls or have a movie night. I guess I feel detached from everything and everyone…including myself.
At the end of the day, I can live with myself- the mistakes that I’ve made, the regrets, the hopes for the future. Trying to navigate it and understand it is much more difficult. I feel like there is a severe need to clear out some things and reorganize my life. I wish I knew where to begin…
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” ~Matthew 6:33
“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” ~Psalm 27:13-14