I feel as if I have been exposed. And while I’m okay with that, it’s REALLY uncomfortable.
I previously mentioned how I was in the midst of what I call “The Process”. And while I thought and felt that things were difficult then, I’m at a moment where it seems like everything just got real.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been pressed to the max. Deadlines upon deadlines. Meetings upon meetings. Conferences. Papers. Kids who need love, care, and attention. A volleyball team that needs more disciplined practice time. I passed the “doing too much” exit about 20 miles back. And there’s no end in sight.
The worst part: it’s all my fault.
Through prayer and conversations with my best friend, I’ve realized that I’ve invited things (activities) into my life without seeking God first. Well, it’s not that I didn’t seek God first- because I did. It’s that I didn’t seek God continuously for direction, guidance, and clarity. It’s like I allowed God to press play, and then said “I can handle it from here”.
The problem is that the “I can handle it from here” is SO untrue. And I know that. But having that conversation and realization with my best friend made it different. Because now I’m exposed.
The best way to immediately feel uncomfortable is to be exposed in front of someone who cares about you, has high expectations for you, and will hold you accountable. It’s just not a good feeling.
What does make me feel better is knowing that this exposure has forced me to change. I have to have a different approach. If I’m believing God for what He has promised, then I have to allow Him to lead me there. What a lesson to learn in my hard place, where, if it were TRULY up to me, this phase would be cut short.
There’s still much for me to learn, grow, and experience. And I must admit that while this exposure is difficult, I’d rather be exposed to someone who cares about me and is invested in helping me be the best me I can be, than to be publicly exposed.
So it’s back to the basics. Time to regroup and refocus; this time with God leading THE ENTIRE TIME, instead of just at the beginning.
“But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession…”
-2 Corinthians 2:14
“I have no other choice but to trust You…”
-Tye Tribbett & GA
“I’m chasing after You, no matter what I’m going through; cause I need you, more and more…”
Pray for me. Until next time…
October 10, 2011 at 11:13 pm
I stumbled upon your blog tonight and was touched by your post. What a paradoxical blessing it is to have people in our lives that expose us. Reminds me of Ephesians 5:13- “But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” I pray that you continue to have people in your life that make all the beauty and darkness in you visible and that all that becomes visible in you becomes a light to those around you.
A recent reflection on such “exposing” conversations:
May God’s truth be grace to you today.