from this point forward, i don’t think i’ll ever question that things happen for a reason. people are meant to be in your life at certain periods of time…a reason, a season, a lifetime…and once their time is up, you gotta move on. for me, moving on, which is probably one of the more important elements of change, has never been easy. at any rate, sometimes you learn things the hard way…but as my grandmother told me today (before my life seemingly took a turn for the worse) ,”tough times don’t last- tough people do”.

but now…i’m loving lauryn hill…she’s speaking to my soul right now:

“I chose a road of passion and pain;
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain.
Gave up my power, ceased being queen;
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend…
Torn and confused, wasted and used;
Reached the crossroad, which path would I choose?
Stuck and frustrated, I waited, debated;
For something to happen that just wasn’t fated.
Thought what I wanted was something I needed…
My soul was weary, but now it’s replenished;
Content because that part of my life is finished…
But my heart is gold, I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with…
Now I don’t…I used to love him…but now I don’t”
~I Used To Love Him

“What you want might make you cry;
What you need might pass you by;
If you don’t catch it.
And what you need, ironically,
Will turn out what you want to be;
If you just let it.”
~When It Hurts So Bad

so yeah…you take the good with the bad. i’m getting pretty good at letting stuff roll off my shoulders now. but it’s still about discipline…and i’m proud of the discipline i excercised tonight, when i coulda showed my tail. at any rate, from this point forward, it’s all about getting the treatment that i deserve…and that’s real. so seriously, either love me or leave me alone.

still focused. still disciplined…

it’s rare that i post twice in a day, even if i am feeling so inspired. i don’t know if i’d say that i feel inspired right now, but i do feel the need to write to articulate my thoughts to something…or someone…

so my new theme for my life is “discipline- time to stop settling for good enough”. i feel like i have a lot of things and/or people in my life that are good enough…but why should i settle for that? something in my soul is crying out for more…and i suppose that in order for me to get more, i have to raise my standards. i’m tired of meeting people who are “almost right”. i feel so let down, so discouraged, so depleted…in so many aspects. i want more…and i don’t necessarily know how to go about getting that…but i suppose i’ll figure out a way. all i know is that i’m tired of receiving and accepting mediocrity from mediocre people (but what else would you really have to give if you fit into that category). i’m tired of being made out to feel that i’m trippin’ or that my standards are unreasonable.

i feel like i need more. i don’t know how much of this rests in the fact that i miss my friends…who are stellar in all senses (most of the time…hehe). but even still i feel like my friendships with people are becoming less and less existent. maybe i’m not doing my part, but i defintely don’t feel like i’ve been given any reason to. i mean…just call me whenever you need me to help you with something…don’t ask me how i’m doing or call any other time. i mean, that’s what friends do, right? i guess i really understand what john legend was saying when he said “times is hard and things are a’changing…i pray to god that we can remain the same…all i’m tryna say…is it don’t have to change…”

but maybe change is good…maybe change is what i need in my life…at least from some people. all i know is that i’m really on this discipline tip from now on…so…whatever that means, whatever that implies…