once again…i’m DEFINITELY glad it’s getting close to graduation. i can’t believe i’m in my last week of classes as an undergraduate at the university of north carolina at chapel hill. it’s been an incredible experience and i feel very blessed that the good lord sent me to unc…because it was clearly not something that i wanted to do. however, the lord’s purpose ALWAYS prevails…

i do have mixed emotions about leaving here, and the last few weeks have been hectic; but have made me realize once again that the opportunities i’ve been afforded here are incredible and i feel so blessed to have had those opportunities and i feel even more so blessed to have met the people that i have met here. over the last few weeks, i officially relinquished my title of bsm president, presented my research on university desegregation, and watched my girl preach for the first time ever. while it’s been incredibly busy and time consuming, i wouldn’t have traded any of that for the world.

despite all of that, i’ve been dealing with some particular battles within myself. trying to overcome my past and really move on to the next phase of my life internally. learning to trust god has still been an issue and i am truly trying to surrender all things to him. i question why i STILL struggle with this; however, i am going to continue trying…everyday taking up my cross and dying DAILY…

so…i can rejoice in that, knowing that all the things that i am going through are only making me a stronger person. in every cloud there’s a silver lining and i can find mine in the joy and presence of the lord. despite all the circumstances…i’m BLESSED…and that’s truly all that matters!

so i definitely feel like my life right now is best described by the nationwide insurance commercials, where they say “life comes at you hard”. i so agree. i’ve been trying to hold things together, but i feel like everything is happening all at once. i’m definitely burnt out from school and all things related to school. along with that, my financial situation SUCKS but i’ve been working and there have been unexpected expenses that have thrown me off. i’m very frustrated because i don’t have the time to work another job, although i need to…

i can’t wait to be done with school…or to be done with everything that takes up so much of my time. i hate feeling like everything is a burden, and i definitely don’t like not having time for myself. by the time i get home, i just go to bed because i don’t feel like being bothered with much else. while i’m definitely getting my sleep, i always wake up and don’t feel anymore refreshed than i did before i went to bed–which makes me want to sleep even more. isn’t sleeping a lot a sign of depression? i wonder…cause i might be on the brink of that…

i feel bad because i feel like i’m not being appreciative of the things that god has done for me by feeling the way that i feel. but at the same time, i’m truly at a point where i don’t know what else to do. i feel like i’ve been trying to seek god, but it’s not working. i feel like everytime i try to get closer to god to come out of whatever funk i’m in, i just sink further and further. i’m at a point in my life where i don’t believe in seeking others for help…ultimately people will fail you and that’s been a consistent theme for me as well. truth is, everyone has something going on…so why should whatever i’m going through be added to your situation?

all i know is that it’s going to take extreme prayer for me to get through this last part of my collegiate career. i’ve got papers due, tests, and everything else going on…

i’ll be excited for it to be over…