life beyond the well…

Category Archives: Dreams


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Make Marriage Look Good

It’s hard to believe, but in a few days (like 8), Preacherman and I will have been married for six months.  This first half-year of our marriage has flown by, and it’s been an incredible experience learning and growing together.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to visit two places that I haven’t been in a while- my old high school and my former job.  Both were filled with people who haven’t seen me since Preacherman and I got married.  While it was great to catch up with people and see people who I haven’t seen in a bit, I heard variations of the following comments frequently:

“You look so happy!  Marriage really agrees with you!”

“It’s so good to see you!  You look great!  Marriage is treating you well!”

Now, I just smiled and said thank you, because I do agree that marriage agrees with me and is treating me well.  And while I am no marriage expert, I am happily married.  But I was so surprised that so many people were surprised that I look (and am) happily married.

Seriously.  What is this about?  Was I supposed to get married and just fall off?  Was I supposed to get married and become unhappy?  I’m so confused.

Not only am I confused, but I’m also sad that people have associated marriage with unhappiness (both in terms of looks and emotions).  Marriage isn’t supposed to be that way, and I don’t think that anyone enters marriage expecting to be unhappy.  No one agrees to be with someone for the rest of their life with the expectation that it will be horrible.

For those of you who are married, engaged, seriously dating, or plan to be married at SOME point- please do me a favor: MAKE MARRIAGE LOOK GOOD. Be happy.  Enjoy your spouse.  LIKE (and love) your spouse.  Be their FRIEND.  Speak well of them to others.  Do the work that it requires.  Remember and remind them why you love them.  Let us each do our part in promoting marriage as wonderful, fulfilling, engaging, lifelong relationship; instead of something that leads people down the path of despair.

Be encouraged!  Peace and blessings!


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Don’t Be Afraid to Walk

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach.  The world you desire can be won.  It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it’s yours.” -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

I love being a woman and I’m convinced that there’s no other experience like it.  I particularly love being a black woman, and I recognize that as such, I’m constantly faced with experiences and challenges that others don’t face.  My experience as a black woman, and as a black girl were mostly empowering.  I was constantly reminded that I could do ANYTHING that I wanted to do as long as I was willing to put in the work required.  And I grew up with other young women who were taught the same thing- that anything was possible for us.

I love seeing the same message in society today- that our young girls and young women can accomplish anything; that there is an entire world out there that is theirs for the taking.  I still feel the sense of empowerment and “You Go Girl!” when I hear of women being the first in the field to accomplish a task or assume a role, and I am proud to work in a department that is lead by women.

Yet despite all of this, I still deal with the little voice in my mind that allows me to question if I’m good enough, strong enough, smart enough, capable enough, competent enough.  And I know that I’m not alone.  Some of my sister-friends and I have frequent conversations about how we feel like we’re “not there yet”- and how we may never “get there”.  Or we lament our struggles with  “Imposter Syndrome“, even though we know that we have both degrees and knowledge to back it up.

All of this makes me wonder- when does this change happen?  When do we go from believing that we can do anything to wondering if we are deserving of what we have accomplished?  What causes us to lose the confident stride that comes with knowing that we are “Phenomenal Women” and leads us to crawl slowly with our head down, wondering if we’re worthy of the life we’ve dreamed of?

I can’t pinpoint what it is, that causes this change, but I want to encourage you- don’t be afraid to walk!  Whether it’s walking away from the relationship or the job where you know in your heart that you’re settling for less than you deserve, or it’s walking toward the career that you’ve dreamed for, the degree that you aspired to but told no one about- don’t be afraid to walk.  You owe it to yourself to walk away from anything that makes you unhappy and unfulfilled, and to walk towards anything that God purposed for your life.  And when you walk- walk with confidence, knowing that you are capable, that your dreams can and will come true, that you can have the life you want to have- because it IS possible.

And if you’re confused about what it is that you should be doing or where you should be going, start to listen to yourself.  Take time to hear the voice of God within you and follow that voice.  You aren’t an accident- there’s a purpose for which you have been created and the world NEEDS for you to walk in it!  Be fabulous!  Be fearless!  Walk it out!

 

Author’s Note: This post was also featured on Up4Discussion.org for Women’s Empowerment Month.