life beyond the well…

Category Archives: Friendship


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Understanding Where You Fit

Around this time last year, I wrote a post: “What happens when you outgrow your friends?”.  Ironically enough, I find myself asking the exact same question now.

As my life shuffles and changes, and I prepare for what’s to come, I realize that I miss the friendships that I had with people before.  However, perhaps the faulty logic for me comes from the fact that I had unrealistic expectations from my friends.

We’ve gotten older.  We live in different places.  We have different demands and priorities.  It’s completely unrealistic to use the college mold of a friendship to fit my real world scenario.  And if I’m honest with myself, we’re all different people.  Not necessarily in a bad way, but because of all the things that I’ve mentioned- age, different environments, different demands and priorities, even different experiences- my friends and I have changed.

Does that mean that we can’t be friends?  Not at all.  Some of the people that I cherish most are people who’ve lived their life completely different from how I choose to live mine.  However, through mutual love and respect, we’re able to maintain a friendship where each person is their authentic self .

However, as the title of this post says, I’m understanding where I fit in the lives of some of my friends.  Not quite a priority (actually nowhere near a priority), but if I ever REALLY needed something, I honestly think they’d be down for the cause.  But that raises a question: If I/our friendship is not a priority, should I be calling you in the event that I REALLY need something?  My thought is no.  And I say that because, if you’re placing a different value on the friendship/relationship than I am, the perceived/potential outcome of a situation where I need you is going to be different for you than for me- because your view of what’s important is different from mine.  Perhaps a better explanation might be like this:  Michael Jordan and I place a different value on $1000.  In the event where $1000 is lost or at stake, the outcome of that situation will be different because Michael Jordan views $1000 differently than I do, and because his view on how important $1000 is/how much of a difference $1000 could make is different from mine.

I’m digressing.  But I suppose that it’s possible that I have indeed outgrown my friends.  And while I still very much cherish the memories and the role that they’ve played in my life to help me become who I am, I’m done shouldering the efforts of keeping in touch and being aware of life updates.  While one could argue that having that role is where I fit in the friendship, I would maintain that even if that were the case, there should be some type of reciprocity.

That said, I’ll go forward from this with a greater understanding of my role in their lives, but also a greater understanding of the role of this friendship in my life.  I’m still blessed to be surrounded by people who care about me and love me dearly, even if it’s not those who I thought would be with me at this part of the journey.

Until next time…


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Planting the Right Seeds

I grew up in the country, and around about this time of year, we’d be preparing to plant some flowers.  My maternal grandmother was the quintessential gardener, and always had impeccable flowers around the yard.  One of my fondest memories of my grandmother is of her working in her flowers.  It was something she took great pride in, and I recall several afternoons from spring, and into the early summer, of getting off of the school bus and finding her in some obscure nook and cranny of the yard, figuring out what type of plant would be perfect for that spot.

As a tomboy who loved to be outdoors, helping my grandmother with the flowers was a nice activity.  Perhaps, not my favorite in terms of what actually took place.  However, the quality time that I shared with my grandmother made it all worthwhile.  It was in these moments that I truly understood the value of planting the right seeds.  Not just in the ground, so that one could have beautiful flowers; but also in life.

Anyone who halfway knows The Bible most likely has a general understanding of reaping what you sow.  In Galatians 6:7-10, you can find the following:

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

That scripture speaks to the value of planting the right seeds, and the effects of not.  However it also encourages us to not give up in doing good- which I would say can be a challenge.  At least I know it’s a challenge for me.  Yet and still, if I would study the first part, and recall that I’m reaping what I’m sowing , it’s some encouragement for me to stay on the right path.

All of these thoughts were sparked by an email that I received from Mrs. Reba.  Mrs. Reba is a delightful woman who I met at my church when I was living in Athens.  She truly has a wonderful spirit, and always seeks to encourage others.  And, I will say that what I love most about her is her willingness to tell the truth in love.  I think it’s wonderful for people to care enough about you to tell you the truth.  But I digress.

In Mrs. Reba’s email, it included some thoughts about planting the right seeds.  Here’s the snippet that I enjoyed the most:

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

* If you plant faith in God , you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

Well said, Mrs. Reba, well said.  This has renewed my focus on what happens later, because as Christians, this life is only a glimpse of what to come.  We’re preparing for eternity.  It just might be useful to plant the right seeds for it.