life beyond the well…


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it’s been entirely too long

I don’t know why I haven’t posted.  It’s been so long since I’ve started a post, that now WordPress has this new design.  I’m super confused.  I’ll consider this incentive to post more often.

It’s December.  As of today, I’ve been working at my school for 4 months.  The best way that I can sum up my experience is with an India.Arie quote:  “So far from where I started out, so far from where I want to be.”  I’m excited and thankful because I’ve seen growth and progress in my teaching, as well as in my students.  I’m energized because I know that I have many more areas to improve upon.  That knowledge is part of what keeps me going back to school day after day.  And as it is with many things, there are good days and bad days.  Sometimes I feel like I’m living for the weekend…which subsequently makes me feel extremely guilty.  If I’m living for the 2.5 days that exist from Friday afternoon until Monday morning, what does that say about the worth I’m placing on the other 4.5 days?  The challenge is to not take things personally, to be in the profession, but not OF the profession.  But I feel that having that mentality would not only cheat me, but it would cheat my students of having a teacher who cares enough to give her best.

On to other things- isn’t it weird that as we get older, we become more cognizant of our insecurities, strengths, and weaknesses?  At 25, I feel more confident and increasingly more aware of my abilities- yet I also feel more insecure about my weaknesses.  I’ve always felt like I’ve had it together.  But when my inabilities are introduced to the knowledge and competence of others, I feel completely frustrated and overwhelmed…especially if it’s related to something that I feel that I SHOULD know how to do, I just don’t.

Perhaps this sounds ridiculous, but I just don’t know why I can’t accept that I don’t know.  Maybe being in a profession that cultivates and encourages knowledge, it’s difficult to accept not having it.  Hmmm…

All in all, life is good.  Still hanging on down near the most southern part of the US.  I’m feeling more encouraged than before, and I’m hopeful that seeing family during the holidays will do the trick.  Be hopeful with me…

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