…I know a lot of people who have said that in relation to their relationship with Christ.  You may know a lot of people who’ve said it as well.  I myself am guilty of saying it, usually to justify some behavior that didn’t completely match up with the intentions of my heart when considering my relationship with Christ.

Yes, He does know my heart.  But when is that not enough?  When does that become an excuse to stay the way we are instead of moving out of our comfort zone to change?

I’ve been thinking about this recently, as I’ve been very frustrated with myself because I haven’t found a church here.  At the same time, I haven’t consistently visited churches to make a decision.  However, I feel that God knows my heart- he knows what I want in a church and what I need…so shouldn’t that count for something?  I don’t feel like it does, because I haven’t put forth the effort required.  I believe that God honors our sincerest attempts to “get things right” (whatever that means, whatever that implies), but those attempts won’t work forever.  At some point, we have to meet Him halfway- or extend ourselves and grow in these sincere attempts.

Since He does know my heart, I have to acknowledge that He knows my good desires and my not-so-good desires.  And that fact alone is enough to evoke change in me, even if I’m not always certain of the best way to go about it.

Just my thoughts…as Steve Harvey would say, “Don’t trip!  He ain’t through with me yet!”

Is it even possible to manage your faith?  My thought is no- that your faith is/should be such an overwhelming aspect of your life that it, along with your convictions should dictate your decisions and dictate your life.

If only it were that easy.

I always find my faith to be just enough for where I am, but I have a hard time envisioning it to be enough for what I need, or where I want to go.  I have faith that God has a reason for me being in Florida.  I don’t feel that I have enough faith that God will place me at the right church, with the right people, and help me make the right friends that will make living in Florida worthwhile.

I feel like faith requires a certain diligence, that I honestly haven’t freely and consistently exhibited in this process.  I have visited churches regularly, but not consistently.  I have prayed regularly, but not consistently.  I have read the Bible regularly, but not consistently.  All that said, I’ve been consistently frustrated about not having a church home and feeling that my requests to God have been ignored.

Can I even do that?  Can I really be frustrated with God when I haven’t consistently done my part?  I don’t think so.

Essentially, I feel disconnected.  I can listen to as many pod casts of church services, blast gospel music in my car and on my Ipod, but without the fellowship of believers that a church provides, I feel in the dark.  Literally.

So, I guess the goal for now is to be consistent, be faithful, and to wait and EXPECT God to act.  And try to be encouraged in the process…