life beyond the well…


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But He Knows My Heart…

…I know a lot of people who have said that in relation to their relationship with Christ.  You may know a lot of people who’ve said it as well.  I myself am guilty of saying it, usually to justify some behavior that didn’t completely match up with the intentions of my heart when considering my relationship with Christ.

Yes, He does know my heart.  But when is that not enough?  When does that become an excuse to stay the way we are instead of moving out of our comfort zone to change?

I’ve been thinking about this recently, as I’ve been very frustrated with myself because I haven’t found a church here.  At the same time, I haven’t consistently visited churches to make a decision.  However, I feel that God knows my heart- he knows what I want in a church and what I need…so shouldn’t that count for something?  I don’t feel like it does, because I haven’t put forth the effort required.  I believe that God honors our sincerest attempts to “get things right” (whatever that means, whatever that implies), but those attempts won’t work forever.  At some point, we have to meet Him halfway- or extend ourselves and grow in these sincere attempts.

Since He does know my heart, I have to acknowledge that He knows my good desires and my not-so-good desires.  And that fact alone is enough to evoke change in me, even if I’m not always certain of the best way to go about it.

Just my thoughts…as Steve Harvey would say, “Don’t trip!  He ain’t through with me yet!”


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prayers for a younger sister

Me, with my little sister, Michelle

Me, with my little sister, Michelle

The above picture is of me and my younger sister, Michelle, during my graduation weekend in 2007.  I love this picture of us because it’s one of the few times that I can actually get her and her attitude together so that we can enjoy the moment and be genuinely happy.

I love my sister.  And for the record, I love my baby sister, and my brother also.  I would give up a lung, kidney, liver, and some other things for each of them, if the situation required it.  I love them for many reasons- one of which is because they have brought so much joy into my life.  We (my mother, father, and myself) adopted each of them (my two sisters and my brother) when they were each 18 months old.  Fast forward some years, and they are 17, 16, and 14.  It’s been a good journey.

That journey hasn’t been without it’s ups and downs though.  Right now, we’re in the middle of down with my sister, Michelle.  She’s beautiful, smart, hard-working, compassionate…but this teenage phase has transformed her into someone we all hardly recognize.  And it’s taking a toll on the family.

I’m not able to talk to to my sister right now, but here’s what I would tell her if I could:

Dear Michelle,

I want you to know how much I love you.  I know that being a teenager is hard, and there are tough decisions to make, and you’ve done well thus far.  I admire your determination and your passion to follow what you want for yourself.  Not many people your age have those qualities, and it’s good to see that.

I also want you to know that I do believe that there is so much ahead for you in your future.  I believe that you can be whatever you want to be.  I remember we talked about you going into law, and we charted out a plan on how to get you there.  That’s one of my favorite moments with you.  Another favorite moment is when we walked to Wal-Greens and Blockbuster over Christmas break.  And I also remember teaching you how to put on make up, and helping you shop for back to school clothes.  We’ve had some good times together, and I know we’ll have even more.

Please know that even though I’m not there with you, I’m always thinking of you and you can ALWAYS count on me.  Continue to take care of yourself and go after your dreams.  Look out for Sarah and Joshua- they look up to you.  Oh, and don’t give Mom such a hard time.  Really.  Don’t give Mom such a hard time.  And, let her know that you appreciate her every now and then.  And lastly, remember that today’s bad decisions are a down payment on tomorrow’s problems.

I love you,

Erin

For those of you who read this- please pray for my sister.  Being a teenager is hard, and I pray that God continues to watch over her and the rest of my family.  I struggled with some things as a teenager, but because of God’s grace and mercy, I made it through.  I am praying and expecting to be able to say the same thing for my younger sister.

Until next time…