life beyond the well…


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So Anxious

I’m a week into Winter Break, which means I’m feeling refreshed and recharged.  I’ve had time to catch up on sleep, get back on a regular eating schedule, and tackle some of the basic tasks that I tend to neglect once I’m back in the habit of work and school.  I’ve also had time to reflect on this year and do some goal setting for next year.

2012 is going to be big.  Life changes of epic proportions.  Very little about my life will be the same one year from today.

I’m excited about what God is showing me, but as I begin to prepare and put things in motion, I feel really anxious.  I feel anxious, mostly because I can’t see how I’m going to get from here to there.  And for someone like me, that’s difficult.

I am a planner and a processor.  I spend lots of time thinking about the proper way to execute something (and why that is the proper way as opposed to another way), and then planning the execution so that it is as close to flawless as possible.  I guess I’m a bit of a perfectionist.

So, for me to know and understand that major changes are on the horizon and not have a clear vision as to how it might come to pass is slightly unsettling.  It’s unsettling because I, like many of us, like to be in the know.  I like to have an understanding of what is going to happen and why.  However, in this situation, I have an understanding of the WHY, but not the HOW.  Equally unnerving.

Nevertheless, I am confident of God’s plans to give me a hope and a future, knowing that I must trust in Him with all my heart and lean not unto my own understanding; acknowledging Him in every way.  And, I need not be anxious about anything, but in everything submit my requests to Him, and He will give me a peace that transcends all understanding.  Including my own.

Here’s to the next chapter; loving God, loving people, and seeking His will and fulfilling His purpose for my life.

Peace and blessings…


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I REALLY Wanted to Be Upset…

Recently, I found myself in a situation where I REALLY wanted to be upset with God.  I am tired. I am frustrated. I am looking to the future and anticipating the ending of this season.  And I thought that it was on the way.  I thought that my breakthrough had come.

I was wrong.

I wasn’t upset that I was wrong.  I’ve accepted that I have been wrong many times, and I will continue to be wrong as I proceed through life.  What’s most important is that I learn and grow.

Yeah, so that all sounds nice, but when you’re REALLY believing God for something, it’s difficult if the outcome is not what you expected.  I was praying for a move of God and it happened…just not in my direction.  And I was left feeling hurt, confused, and unsure of how to proceed.

And then something interesting happened.

Two of my friends received breakthroughs.  We’re talking, huge breakthroughs, of epic proportions.  Things that we had collectively been praying about and believing God for had come to pass.

This overwhelmed me.  Then it excited me.

I was both overwhelmed and excited because it was the reminder that I needed that God hears and listens to prayers.  The prayers that I have been praying, the tears that I have shed- God knows about all of that. But not only that- God is still moving.  And I have to be excited that God is blessing those around me.  If he’s in my neighborhood, he’ll get to my house after awhile.

So while I REALLY WANTED to be upset, I ended up being humbled, grateful, and renewed in my resolve to pursue God and to trust Him to give me the desires of my heart.

Amen.

Peace and blessings…