So, today marks one year since the death of my grandmother; and it was a very difficult day. It’s amazing how vivid some memories are. This year has been full of many blessings, as well as many trials; and part of what has been difficult for me is being unable to call my grandmother and talk with her.
You never really realize and understand the true impact that someone has in your life until they are gone. I suppose this can be argued, and that some will dispute this. What I really mean is that I always appreciated having my grandmother in my life, but I didn’t realize how much it affected me. This past year has shown me that.
The worst moments come when I truly acknowledge that there will be events in my life where her presence would be welcomed. Graduations. Marriages. Birth of children. Despite knowing that she’ll be there in spirit, I still want to SEE her. Hug her. Talk to her. I’m sad that I missed out on so much with my grandmother because I was being a selfish, disagreeable child. But hindsight is 20/20.
The truth is that after a year, it seems more difficult at times. Some memories are much more vivid, some regrets are much more prominent. And still, some days I just want to be able to talk to her on the phone…
July 10, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Man, last year was a crazy year as far as grandmothers…
My grandmother lived in Cameroon, West Africa. I was fortunate to have been to her house when I was little and then she lived with us for a year when I was in highschool. But I really miss the holidays when we would make that international phone call to talk to her…its strange for me not to hear my grandmother’s voice.
And I’m selfish because she was well into her 80’s and lived a long and hard life, but I still wish she was around so I could go and visit her or she could give blessings to my future husband and all those type of things.
I do miss her.
July 11, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Erin, you’re blessed to have the revelations about your relationship with your grandmother that you do. Live the rest of your relationships with the knowledge that they won’t last forever.
July 12, 2007 at 2:08 am
Gene, it’s rather ironic you would say that. On my long drive to work this morning, I put in a random CD and the last song that played was “Live Like You Were Dying”, I think by Tim McGraw. Just listening to that song made me consider how I approach relationships, as well as my daily activities.
July 12, 2007 at 1:41 pm
2.7 seconds on a bull named fu-man-shu?
July 12, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I remember the first time I heard Live Like You Were Dying. I was on some relatively small road either in Kansas or West Virginia. I found myself thinking, This is SUCH a Kansas (or West Virginia) experience. Me singing Tim McGraw! How my life has changed in the past 10 years!!!
I remember hearing it and knowing IMMEDIATELY who and what it was about … thanks VH1!!!