life beyond the well…

Friday Favorites- Stuff My Mom Says

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Y’all, my mom is funny.  Actually she’s hilarious.  I don’t know that she intends to be funny, but she is.  Sometimes I have to refrain from laughing during a serious moment, because she says some crazy stuff.  Here are some things that my mom has said over the years that STILL have me cracking up.

  1. “My mouth ain’t no icebox.  I can’t keep nothing…” – Yes, Mom.  You’re right.  You tell EVERYTHING.  Well not everything, but almost everything.  I don’t have to be on the family email blasts, because I can just ask you.  And I love how you always front like I was supposed to know something.  “Oh, you ain’t know that __________________?  Well where you been?” Working, Mom. Working.
  2. “If I have to leave my job and come to that school because YOU don’t know how to act…you better hope that the Lord speaks to me before I speak to you because if  he doesn’t…” – She never had to finish that sentence.  I already knew what it meant.  And she never had to leave her job and come to school, because I KNEW how to act.  We’ll just call that sufficient parenting.
  3. “Well, when you get AIDS in your nose, don’t call me…” -after I was off being grown on Spring Break and got my nose pierced.  I’m happy to report that the piercing has grown on her (10 years later).
  4. “No, homegirl.  You know your boobs are too big to be in that flimsy bra.”– First, she called me homegirl.  Then she just gonna yell my info out across the lingerie section of Macy’s while searching for the appropriate undergarments to go with my prom dress. Help me Jesus. I think part of my face is still on the 2nd floor of Macy’s.
  5. “Erin, the Lord gives each of us gifts.  You are a very good reader.  You are a good athlete.  You are NOT a good singer. So, please stop singing in the car.”– This was funny because it’s true. But I was mad at the time.  She definitely said this in front of one of my friends leaving me all kinds of embarrassed.  But I was more mad that she told me I wasn’t a good singer after all those years of making me sing in the kiddie choir.  Do you know what I could have done with those Saturday mornings?

She might be crazy; she might be ridiculous; she’s DEFINITELY hilarious, and I’m so glad she’s mine.  Love you, Mom!  What are some crazy things your mother said/says?

Until next time…


Author: erin.almond

God-chaser. NC native, now planted in Jacksonville, FL. Happily married to a handsome church-planting pastor. I am easily excited by Jesus, education, cupcakes, Moleskine notebooks, and Pepsi. Overwhelmed by God's amazing grace, undeserving of His love and mercy.

One thought on “Friday Favorites- Stuff My Mom Says

  1. #2 and 5 are hilarious, especially the comment about nose piercings. Too funny. I’ve heard many piercing jokes, but that has to be the funniest of them all.

    My grandmother had her share of quotes as well. One that I often repeat to this day is “Sweep around your own front door, don’t sweep around mines.”

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