life beyond the well…

Category Archives: Friendship


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Attention + Respect

“If you want my attention, you must show that you deserve my respect.”

It was that thought that ran through my mind after being catcalled by a young man while on my way to my car to go meet a friend for lunch.  I have no idea what he actually said, but it was clear that he was trying to get my attention.  Somewhere between him slowing down to drive past me, then making a U-turn to come back and drive past me again; I figured he either had something to say or was trying to kidnap me.  Fortunately it was more of the former than the latter.

It’s cool that he thought that much of how I looked to want to speak.  I say that not to sound conceited, but just based on the fact that the only thing he knew about me was how I looked.  But the approach was all wrong.  Which is what led me to this thought: “If you want my attention, you must show that you deserve my respect.”

There was a time in my life where I might have given him (or some other guy who hollered at me from a car) a second of my time.  Or at least considered it.  But I’m not there now.  And I honestly think that women can learn a lot about guys (i.e.: who to talk to or who to ignore) based on the approach.

Any guy that is TRULY interested in woman, will want her to respect him as a man.  And because he has that desire, he will approach her in a way that not only commands her attention, but also garners him respect.  It may not be flashy, but it will be honorable.  Sometimes, us women get so caught up in what looks good that we miss what’s good for us.

Now I know that we’re in this time where we have to be nice to everyone and love everyone and not say a single mean thing to anyone.  That’s cool.  But there’s a difference in me treating you in a respectful way, and me actually respecting you.  Likewise, if what you desire is for me to actually RESPECT you in addition to just treating you respectfully, you MUST come correct.

If women have a clear understanding of their worth and what they deserve from a man, it is incredibly difficult for them to settle for anything less than that.  Thus, they will force a man to approach them in a way that is worthy of their attention and their respect.  Ladies, we can’t complete about men not having standards if WE don’t have standards.  We teach people how to treat us by showing how we treat ourselves.  If what you show/say is inconsistent with what you feel that you deserve, you cannot be upset when what you receive is lower than your standards also.

So, like Captain Planet, the power is yours.  If they want your attention, make them show that they deserve your respect.


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One Year Later.

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” – Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption

 

 

 

He was my friend.

I say that with caution, but not hesitation.  It’s taken me a year to realize that he was more than my student, but he was my friend.

It’s taken me a year to write this, because quite frankly, I knew that once I wrote the words, I couldn’t take them back, and I would have to admit that it was real.  I would have to admit that the news that came late in the evening of March 7, 2011 was true, and that he was no longer with us.

As a teacher, I accepted the grim reality that at some point, I would lose a student.  It’s unfortunate to think that way, but it’s true.  I never expected that I would lose a student so soon, and that it would be THIS student.

You see, we expect to lose the students who cause trouble, create mischief, diddle and dabble in things they know should be off limits.  But when you lose the kid who embodies all of the superlatives, Mr. “Most Likely to Succeed” who was also Mr. “Athletic”, while simultaneously able to be the “Best All-Around”, it rocks you to the core.  If you could measure his life trajectory, you’d find it to be off the charts.

And perhaps it is fitting that with a life trajectory that’s off the charts, that we now find him in heaven instead of with us.  I guess the world wasn’t big enough; that God was taking him far higher than we could ever imagine.

But I miss my friend.

I miss seeing him at Little Caesar’s, eagerly serving pizzas as if he were working in the most prestigious place; like the kitchen in the White House.  I miss seeing his little green Toyota speed out of the parking lot after school, humming the beats to some of the most ridiculous rap songs ever heard. I miss seeing his lanky swagger in the halls, floating a full head above most of his classmates and teachers; yet still a kid at heart as he packed his Transformers backpack full of AP Chemistry materials. I miss this kid, who responded to my correction with “Yes, M’aam.  I will do better.  But tell me, ‘How are YOU doing?'”

I miss my friend.

One year later, I still miss my friend.

As I watch your classmates delight in the countdown of days until they walk across that stage headed to the colleges of their choice, I miss you.  As we fill up the wall of acceptance with letters of college acceptance, I find myself wondering which letters I would have put up that would have had your name on them.  As I watched your teammates on the basketball court in the gym that is now named in your honor, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to see you on the court.

But all that wondering comes down to one thing: I miss my friend.

My friend, you are truly one of God’s best. I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of your journey; but that you were able to be a part of mine. You not only made an impact on people’s lives, but you left a legacy in our hearts. I hope we always make you proud.

 

Memory Music: