“though the storms keep on raging in my life/and sometimes it’s hard to tell the night from day/still the hope that lies within is reassured/…but if the storms don’t cease/and just in case the winds keep on blowing in my life/my soul has been anchored in the Lord.”

i can’t remember who sings that song, but it’s on this gospel cd that i got from barnes and noble. i remember my mom playing it around the house on saturday mornings when it was time to clean up the house. anyhow, it’s really close to me right now.

when you’re in the midst of a storm, they say that the calmest place is in the eye of the storm. i wish i could say that i’m having that experience now. i’m in the midst of a storm…and i can’t even find the eye so that i could potentially retreat. i’ll definitely agree with what i’ve heard said before: when God starts blessing, the devil starts messing. since my baptism in November, i’ve been swirling around in this storm, trying to figure out how to escape.

it’s not an easy place to be. usually, i try to find the joy in these situations because i know the the Lord is testing my faith because He loves me and wants me to grow. but lately, i’ve been weakened to the point where i don’t even know WHY i believe. that terrifies me. after all that God has done for me, i’m questioning why I believe or why i should have faith. i hate feeling like this. this uncertainty, this weakness, this emptiness. i feel so broken, so distraught, so wrought with despair. here i am, expecting God to do more for me, and i’m questioning why i believe in him in the first place.

sigh. when i come out of this storm, it’s gonna be something totally different. i’m not completely sure what that means, but there will be a new thing in place.

be encouraged all…

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light,
Take me hand, Precious Lord, lead me home.

…i’ve gone back to high school. if you’ve seen “never been kissed”, then you know that drew barrymore’s character (fondly referred to as josie-grosie) goes back to high school on an undercover investigative reporting assignment from her job at a newspaper.

unfortunately, my reason for being back in high school isn’t nearly as secretive as drew barrymore’s. i’m back because (drum roll, please)…i’m a student-teacher. i’ve been at it for almost a week…lesson planning and observing, talking with teachers and students, and getting acclimated to the new environment.

the school that i’m at is in Winder, Georgia. check that out on www.epodunk.com, if you want to know more about the area. from what i’ve seen, there’s not a lot of ethnic/racial diversity, nor diversity of political ideology. winder is a small town, with mostly conservative views. i can’t tell you the number of confederate flags i’ve seen on t-shirt since i’ve been here. despite it’s conservativism, the town scores points with me because it has a golden corral; which is definitely more than i can say about athens.

i’m teaching economics to 11th and 12th graders, who are on the “average” track. at the school, there are average, advanced, and AP tracks. from what i’ve been told from my teachers, the average students are those who MAY go to four-year college, but more than likely, they’ll end up at a technical school, picking up a trade; or maybe at a community college. i’m trying not to let that factor really affect the way that i teach them, but i feel that it’s a constant reminder from the other teachers. i’m definitely one who believes that students can accomplish anything with the right amount of love, respect, and attention. that said, i’ma try and open their eyes up to new things this semester.

additionally, i should add that i haven’t studied econ since the spring semester of my senior year of high school, which was approximately 5 years ago (and as a note, i definitely feel old saying that i was a senior in high school 5 years ago…i have a reunion coming up this year…MAN). part of the process has been reading and re-reading material to make sure that i know it enough to teach it to them.

thus far, it’s been a great experience…but i will say that i am EXHAUSTED. i never knew that teaching could be so physically taxing. add in that i still have classes that i’m taking, which makes for 15-16 hour days sometimes. it’s all good, and i love what i do, but sometimes i wonder if i’m truly cut out for this. supposedly, student-teaching is a make or break point in your career…and i’m not about to let this break me and keep me from my ultimate destiny.

“i know that God won’t give me anything i can’t handle. i just wish he didn’t trust me so much.” ~mother teresa.

i’m right there with you on that one, mother t.

be encouraged, all. peace and blessings…