“this morning, i woke up feeling brand new. i jumped up feeling my highs and my lows…and i’ve been thinking i got my reasons just to get by…”



“i can feel the breaking of day. i won’t look back, i’ll just keep pressing my way. i can feel the breaking of day. my blessing’s got to be on the way. i may not be able to see it, but in my heart i do believe that jesus, he knows all my struggles; and soon he’s coming to see about me…”

i’ve never been the type to truly listen to music. while i love different songs and different artists, it wasn’t until recently that i’ve been able to really say that i FEEL a song. over break i heard a pastor talk about how music can usher you into the spirit and now i really understand what that means. yesterday, i heard “breaking of day”…this TIGHT gospel song that i hadn’t heard in a long time and it really picked up my spirits. i feel a lot better about a lot of things and i’m dealing with all of the situations a lot better.

i love how god uses different situations to groom us and to teach us, and ultimately, to make us better servants for him. as i said in my spoken word, “i’m glad i can look at my past and see that troubles don’t last; that when my soul was broken, god placed it in a cast.” god has been there for me so much and i could never thank him or praise him enough…

on another note, yesterday was kind of a nostalgic day for me–it would have been my grandmother’s 85th birthday; had she lived. she passed on when i was in 9th grade and it was definitely a difficult time for me. she lived down the street from me and i spent every afternoon with her from the time i was like 7 up until i started playing sports in middle school. even then, i still saw her every afternoon; in that we always made granny’s house a stop on the way home. i have never, in my life, known a stronger, more beautiful woman. she was so gracious, so humble, so god-fearing, just an all-around awesome woman. my soul has forever been enlightened by the life that she has lived…

so, i guess i feel slightly rejuvenated, and feeling more and more like my “old self”. whatever that means. i take that back…i don’t feel like my “old self” because i’m not who or what i used to be. i’m growing into who i am becoming….

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

we can always look back and see how we would have changed things. because we don’t always handle situations in our life the way we should, or the way we wished; we become regretful, remorseful, and consumed wondering about the “what ifs”. i’m currently in one of those situations. i handled a situation in a way that i shouldn’t have, and i’m currently dealing with the consequences…which are very painful. i’m in a healing point, and i’m super sensitive about things right now. it’s very difficult. i’ve been struggling to eat and sleep…but god has kept me.

god has definitely been with me through this time. in some ways i’ve been going through the motions, but at the same time, i feel closer to god. i feel that i’m being cleansed and that god is working with me…i’m just trying to be open and receptive to what god is telling me. god is testing my faith and my obedience and i don’t want to let him down. i’m about to walk into my season…i can feel it. what is key for me is to get past the disappointment that i feel within myself and really focus on the things that god is doing for me.

i’ve probably been praying for myself and for others more than i’ve ever done in my life. i’ve always prayed, but i haven’t quite been the prayer warrior. however, i feel like god is raising me up to be one, so we’ve been talking quite regularly.

despite all the hurt that i’m feeling, i’m SO excited about what god has for me. the visions are becoming plain…and it’s all about getting there. god has a plan and a purpose…and a time. patience…lord grant me some….

so here’s what’s been inspiring me, despite the storm:

*new pre-faith testimony and walking in expectancy

*Romans 8:18- “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

*god ALWAYS keeps his promises…

*my friends who have been praying with me and for me…and who have also been listening to me.

*finally…i LOVE that god loves me so much that he sees fit to test me…that is SO tight…